Shattering, Shifting, Sifting and Sweeping

This has been one of the most intense weeks I’ve experienced in such a long time. And to think over the last year that has been off the charts intense – rough, heart breaking, tragic, stretching one to the maximum capacity – years of my life, I wouldn’t trade one moment.

Moving in to a place of understanding is where the able become more able, the intelligent become wise.

Awareness is pliable. A statement I like to remind myself. There is an ebb and flow. The more I learn and understand about the brain, chemistry, emotions and the universe the more I am able to see the MATRIX of what we think of as our Universe.

I don’t like to get too personal – ok I don’t mind it but the experiences of the last few weeks have been beyond what I feel capable of expressing in a public venue. What I will say is I have had deep trauma from sexual abuse, psychological cult teachings so ingrained as to render one incompetent of thinking outside that fixed box that breaking free from those strong holds that were invisible yet rendering me incompetent and disconnected from my TRUTH have beaten the tar out of me. That deep trauma that I thought I had a decent handle on was triggered so intensely as to knock me senseless to functioning in life. We get knocked down we’ve got to get back up. The tools of the MKMMA have been the hand that has reached into the abyss to help me up and I am so grateful.

I like to imagine my DAD – my dear heart, best friend, mentor, teacher whom I miss greatly – yet as I write this I feel a whoosh of knowingness that he is within and about me. Something hard to describe if you are fixed in this material world solidly. But I do like to imagine my Dad guiding me on this journey since he was killed. I think he would have very much liked Mark who is the leader of this MM. I think every piece of these puzzles has been a share from my DAD and that makes it all the more bitter sweat.  That moment of hearing of his death changed me yet showed me a reality I could barely digest during that time. Now that I can see/feel process differently, it’s a whole new experience. In an instant I can recall the full feeling of the most horrific pain of the loss and yet in the same moment I also recall now the feeling I felt of the freedom that my DAD experienced when he was no longer attached to his body yet able to fully communicate with me. There were multiple tracks being recorded on that album (fun music analogy – hey why not?!)

So many moments thereafter; son Ryder miracle. My life miracle – that moment when I knew I had hours to live, he was there and held me up. I don’t have a GOD that I believe in. I believe there is a UNIVERSAL energy and we are all part of this and expressions of that DIVINE LIGHT. But I believe there is a deep connection with other energies that we may identify with as DAD, mom, sister, brother, lover, friend, yet still we are all energy.

Ok, I got off track. Week 4 with the lessons on PEPTIDES is such an important understanding to have. Candice Pert is the authority here and her books and studies should be referenced to understand the profoundness of this piece of the puzzle.

One must watch What the Bleep Do You Know – such a wonderful illustration of this field that we must avail ourselves of and discover the nuances. I think I’ve watched this movie 10 or 12 times now. I’m showing it to my boys now. Because the illustrations of this universe are much easier to understand in the visuals they present. Other movies like LUCY and MATRIX are good too – to remind us…

OK so Hanelle and the BOOK. Well this is pretty cool. Boy would I have loved to have studied this book with my DAD instead of the millions of words of someone else’s mind that became a religion.

The most important experience this week is that each of them were my own. Not something I was suppose to have because it was on a chart or map or check list – but because that was the exact right experience for me – unique to me. I am grateful for each of them. I am also grateful for the tools of meditation and DO IT NOW!! This has saved my butt! I have been fiercely productive and feel more enlightened because of the experience of week 4. Holy horse puckey!! We have 22 more weeks!!! What will be in store??! OH I know!! The realization of my DREAMS!!!

Would I want someone else to have the knowledge I now have – you are gosh darn RIGHT I would!!!


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