When I started this project it was because I knew remaining silent was killing me.
I had not actually discovered Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s quote
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Upon finding this quote I realized I was not the only one who has suffered or was suffering.
Quite frankly, in remaining silent I allowed it to mean much more than it should have. I let it define me. In my eyes, it meant I was dirty, bad, broken, shameful, something was wrong with me and I couldn’t let anyone find out or I would or could never be loved or be worthy.
Instead I pretended and lived that life of quiet desperation — the only difference is I lived loudly in my quiet desperation.
I can sit here and tell you with no qualms the pain and hiding out I felt would cost me my success, my health and worst of all, the love of others – was actually a very high price to pay.
Ultimately, I discovered that it was me who needed to love myself. But I couldn’t, not when I hid from own heart, all my pain.
There is no other love that matters. Yet it can seem selfish to some. It becomes masked as parading our fake selves out there as we see in the media or in our daily lives. I was one. I had a very polished covering for a time. But if I look closely at photos of that time, I see it.
I can’t take back that time, but I can teach what I have learned. I can share the healing that is possible. I can speak up and reach out. I wish I could make all the sexual abuse and trauma stop instantly. For now, I will do what I can.
One thing I can promise here is I will always speak from my heart. Sometimes it might be off on a tangent of nonsensical rambling. Sometimes it will be a brilliant insight and significant discoveries and strategies I’ll share. Always from my heart.
Every day, my heart grows stronger and more capacity for healing and thus helping in service of others is possible.
It is part of my journey. My path I see more clearly now and I awaken to this journey with open arms and heart.
If you are here for reasons of your own, I want you to know you are not alone.
It was not your fault. Healing is possible. There is great joy beyond the trauma.
My Love, Peace and Joy, Stephana