Learning To Be Compassionate With Ourselves and a Few Other Handy Lessons For the Holiday Season

Master Key Master Mind Alliance Week 11

Once you commit 100% to a path, you are already half way there.

Being stuck in a place of doubt or confusion is a sure way to nowhere and the source of a whole lot of unnecessary stress.

This makes me think of spinning wheels where you keep burying yourself deeper in the muck the harder you press the gas, trying to FORCE your way through. Sometimes, only a reliable tow truck or friend with a heavy duty truck and chains, can pull you up. Or maybe someone who has been there before, maybe has the experience to engineer some leverage to help you get unstuck. Whatever the case, it’s likely not going to happen on your own.

Let me tell you, there are times in my life when I have most definitely felt I was spinning my wheels (like recently). Each time there was always a direct correlation to uncertainty and lack of trust in my own worth.  Always second guessing and trying to solve the situation from every angle, every viewpoint. Picking things apart in hopes to make a perfect choice that would serve not only me, but my values and all involved. And this constant evaluating the scene from all angels to keep ALL happy, has kept me very stuck for a very long time.

My time has been blocked in weeks while I participate in the Master Key Master Mind Alliance. This program is 26 weeks in total. It has brought all of what is true in me, all of what I have studied and worked to harness into one very powerful package. What it has brought to my life is Leverage. And with that leverage now, I’ve got some Momentum. So I’m going to share and get a little more personal here.

When you are stuck though, and work your way out, it’s inevitable you’re gonna get a little dirty. So here’s what that looks like for me.

This week I took a detour for some self compassion work, because I’ll be honest, life has felt pretty mucked up lately.

Bringing Pema Chodran, a beloved spiritual teacher along, has helped me wipe the windshield free of some of the muck and ease some of the deep pain I was running into. That and using some of the Tools I’ve cultivated, write about and share with my clients. Here are some of them:

  • GET SUPPORT.  Getting the right kind of support, is crucial. While I teach this as a fundamental, I’ve not embraced this fully in my own life, as a regular practice, until now.

I am uncertain why this one piece has been so difficult for me. I wonder if you can relate?

  • ASK FOR HELP.  When my son’s doctor took me aside last week and told me that it wasn’t him that he was concerned about, but me he felt needed to get some help – I broke down completely. He said what I say to so many of my clients and fellow mamas – we cannot give from an empty cup.

I’ll admit that it was a bit embarrassing. I have tried so very hard to remain strong and impervious to the pain.

But I’ll give you fair warning, it does catch up with you.

What finally changed?


Once I did this I was overwhelmed with support and love and resources I could not have imagined. While I do get a little antsy in this area, I’m practicing “sitting with the discomfort” instead of running from it. Another golden nugget from Pema. (We givers/mamas/gotta do it all’ers can forget this – dear tribe: remind me we need to get our yogilachi tribe empathy circle going again in 2018)

The holiday season in itself can be full of strife. Stress of relationships and varying viewpoints clashing, pressure to buy and consume.  To put on a show that will impress, yet leaves those deeper needs unmet. 

If you are feeling the stress this holiday season, you are not alone. I too find myself wading through treacherous water, only to have a rapid carry me under. Then I remember the words of a Hopi elder I will paraphrase: Let go, let the water carry you. Let go of the bank and see where the river takes you. See who is there with you. Who is showing up with you?

This has been the most amazing. To find who and what shows up, I’m talking the good, the bad and the ugly and to be ok to sit with it or float with it, as the case may be. I rarely find myself sinking these days. Because I now know how to relax and ease in. Floating is easier when you RELAX, I promise.


Being compassionate with yourself is the greatest gift. This I learned from Pema when I first began healing my own trauma. So many times we can be kind and compassionate with others but forget ourselves.


This month I made an executive decision to honor my values across all areas of my personal and professional life.  I released incomplete business projects that were no longer viable, not aligned with my dreams and desires.  AND decided to be ok with it.

As silly as it sounds, I took a break from the on-line dating which I discovered was part of a plan to avoid the pain you experience after the end of a 17 year marriage.

I gave myself permission to leave the clutter for a little bit longer.

I am still working on letting go other’s opinions of me.


I began reinforcing what is really important to me. I went back to my deeper desires, dreams and passions and looked at what small, doable change I could make that would improve key areas that would fuel these desires. I got up a little earlier, made myself a cup of tea and savored the early morning silence and stars.

I began cultivating genuine connection with people I love, adore and cherish.

I started to play more with my boys. To be “naughty” as my best friend Moni says; sleeping in and snuggling a little longer, leaving the beds unmade, staying in the jammies and eating cookies and bread and all the things you aren’t “suppose” to eat and just playing for the day – sometimes just what we need.

I encourage you to look at what will nourish you most deeply this holiday season.

Instead of adding another item to your to do list. Take one off.

Instead of dredging through another event you have no desire to attend, say no thanks, with no angst. 

Go get some hot cocoa or an Irish Coffee and do something you really enjoy with people you love and who love you in return.

I’ve never embraced the holiday season as something to delight in. That all changes right now.

I’m starting my own traditions with my boys. Listening to music, lighting candles, making a bed by the fire and watching the Sound of Music together, sharing stories of my childhood, walking in nature, playing hide and seek through a Christmas tree lot and basking in the smell of the evergreen, kissing under the mistletoe, sharing letters of giving…

Our traditions may not resemble anyone else’s but ultimately the best gift we can give is being present for yourself and loved ones. 

I know that the magic of the season comes from what’s inside.

That’s what I desire to share. When we are connected to our own Divine Star, it’s easier to find wholeness and the true meaning of the season.

To BE and GIVE the gift that matters most: Our Light and Love.

I send you Love and Light where-ever you are. Much Peace and so many blessings to you and yours.

Stephana is an innovative, visionary healer who helps clients boost their energy, get out of pain and lead lives they love. You can find out more about her signature programs at www.yogilachi.com and get free weekly inspiration at www.yourholisticmentor.com

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2 thoughts on “Learning To Be Compassionate With Ourselves and a Few Other Handy Lessons For the Holiday Season

  1. This holiday season has been more stressful for me than normal, mostly due to increased focus on building my Amazon business. I realize this has taken much of the joy out of the season, barely pausing to enjoy the little gifts around me, like our 3 year old saying “Kiss-miss” instead of Christmas. But I’m taking the time to stop and think about what I’m doing and make plans so that I am not in the same place next year.
    Excellent insights!

    • Oh that is precious! Good for you for taking the time and recognizing where you are and where you want to be. I’m going to use that with my boys. KissMiss it is!